It’s been unusual weeks lately. A lot of mind-crunching episodes, slicing and dicing, a lookout for comforts, confusions, short of breath, readreadread, weird questions, teary eyes, discussions and all were in the name of God. And few days ago, I’ve made my biggest decision in life: I am changing my religion.
Born from converted parents (they were both moslem then converted to Catholic), I was raised and taught with Christian values. I went to Private Catholic school for 9 years, loved it. Moved to Public School for the last three, hated it. I was hardly a strong devoted Christian (read: church every Sunday), but still God plays a major rule in my life. There were tears in church asking for His forgiveness and joy with all the songs uplifted for Him.
I’ve always been thinking that religions are pretty much like vehicles. Some prefer bikes, trains, bus, or Bentley. As long as you take care of it, it will take you to your destination. All religions prepare you to meet your Creator one day, that I believe. So it should not be hard to switch, right?
Wrong. There I was, trying to letting go a big part of who I’ve been, letting go a part of my identity, all that connected to my childhood to enter a future. All were tangled and krisscrossed between emotions, rational actions, my past, future, and people I’ve loved. Switching from one to another, even though both of them will lead me to meet my Heavenly Father, turns out to be a battle within. A battle of letting go.
What started to be a birthday gift turns out to be a lending hand to open another chapter in life. Here I am, entering a new teritory, a complete journey that did not exist in my wildest dream. Ever. I’ve found my Holy Ghost – the presence I’ve longed for nearly 10 years. The comfort, the energy, the vibes. Where have you been?
I guess I can spend a lifetime slicing and dicing, questioning, comparing, basically trying to rationalize everything into my little brain and trying to cram as much as possible. But when I got to the end of the world, I can only jump, or turn around and run. I choose to jump. With all my questions. I have a lifetime and beyond, to understand the mystery of faith. I’ve found my Holy Ghost and that, my friends, I believe was the answer of my prayers.
Catch me God, I’m jumping.