A week before my total immersion in the water and submerge as a new me. I will try to pay attention to what is happening within me and outside, as I’m jotting down a note of it, as a record for a selfish reason. One day, when I’m not having the best day or when I’m standing against the world, I will have this little note as a reminder.
Friday. Day One.
Feeling totally calm, which is weird. I always cook something up in my head (and that’s why my brain is well-fried) and being a hot-tempered gal, I just need little thing that doesnt go as I want it to go, to make me upset and ruin my evening. I feel the total opposite.
I had been worrying about my parents’ reaction. I always seek for their approval. Yep, I’m 35, married and with child, but I always, always, discuss anything big and small with my parents and whatever they say, agree or disagree, will overall affect my decision. I owe them the world and I’ll try my best not todissapoint them, in any way. They might have some says regarding my decisions and I was worrying sick that I might have to hear what I prefer not to, or me saying something that they prefer not to hear. But the conversation went smooth… they let the decicion to be all mine and as long as I’m happy, they have nothing against it. They. Want. To. See. Me. Happy.
So it feels like a surge of cold stream in my chest… the calmness sensation that I’ve been trying to remember and identify. Feel like some weights that I’m feeling, not the heavy kind that presses me down that I cant breathe, but more like the kind that fills my lungs they’re about to pop. And add that stream running. Feel so peaceful.
Day one almost ends.